Happy Halloween Eve! The magical night of frightful fun and frolicking is nearly upon us and I must confess to being underwhelmed. I’m not even dressing up this year. I’m not EVEN turning my porch light on to summon trick-or-treaters. I’m
such an old biddy just not that into it.
Get off my lawn, you little fairy princesses and shrimp-sized super heroes with your cutesy faces and your little plastic pumpkins! I swear I’ll turn the sprinklers on ya!
Where was I? Oh yes, I suppose you are asking whatever could be my reason for excusing myself from these nationally accepted and revered holiday traditions? Not in the mood. Hey, a girl can’t always be in the mood for sex, so why can’t that same disinterest work for Halloween?
I have gathered a list of my top ten excuses for skipping Halloween and provided them below, for your reading enjoyment.
Read it and deal with it. Bah freakin humbug.
- I have a headache.
- I need to wash my hair.
- I got my period. (and after 5 years without one, it is blowing my mind)
- My treat will be wine. My trick will be doorbell avoidance.
- Chocolate doesn’t last ten minutes in my house, so there’s nothing left for the snot-nosed little goblins.
- I couldn’t afford candy. But if you ghosts and goblins, Wonder Women and Scooby Doos would like to leave some cash in the can near my front door, I can save up for next year. I promise.
- I’m thawing out the turkey for Thanksgiving.
- I’m entertaining a gentleman caller. Shhhh, Joan doesn’t know.
- I need to dance like no one’s watching. I mean No One! Not even a pint-size version of Khaleesi or John Snow.
- I have Kampanaphobia. Fear of Bells. Doorbells, in this case. It’s a thing. Ask not for whom the doorbell tolls, because I’m not going to answer it.
Seriously, wishing everyone a very Happy and Safe Halloween!